Somehow, Someday
by Wyndi
Summary: From Shawn's POV, he finally decides that enough is enough. This was initially intended to be an RPG-based fic, but even the casual reader should have no difficulty envisioning this scenario.


Content: Mature subject matter, implied m/m slash, language, angst.  
  
Character/s: Hunter/Shawn Michaels  
  
Disclaimer: I own NO ONE depicted in these fics. I am not endorsed by any person, corporation, federation, promotion, etc., nor do I receive any monies for writing sick and twisted tales of their imagined goings-on. Inspired by "You'll See" by Madonna. Lyrics used without permission. No infringement or disrespect to the various artisans is intended, so please don't sue me.  
  
* * *  
  
Why, Hunter? Why can't you just stay out of my life, out of my head, and out of my thoughts? Everything I do now, I still do with at least a cursory thought about how you'd react. Without intending to, I find myself studying my actions, like I'm on the outside looking in. I wonder what your response would be if I asked your opinion about things like music and clothes. Wondering if the things I say or do would make you laugh, cry, or shake your head and flash that crooked smile of yours. All the while reassuring me with every glance, every touch, every caress how much I mean to you.   
  
How often did you tell me that we were destined to be together forever? A hundred times? A thousand? I still hear you in my mind, telling me how neither of us could go on without the other. I practically had it pounded into my head how if I left you, you'd die of a broken heart and I'd never be able to go on without you. And look who did the leaving, Hunter. Look who took the chickenshit way out and gave up first.  
  
That's fine. You wanna be a quitter? I'm not gonna stop you. You wanna give up on years and years of history, friendship, love, and companionship? Fine. But in the end, you'll know that you're the one who gave up. Not me. I'm not gonna go chasing after you. I'm not gonna leave fifty million messages on your cell phone hoping you'll answer. I'm not gonna go out of my way to see you at work. I'll just go on about my business, get on with my life, and maybe even find some happiness. Just to prove you wrong.   
  
You think that I can't live without your love  
  
You'll see,  
  
You think I can't go on another day.  
  
You think I have nothing without you by my side,  
  
You'll see  
  
Somehow, some way  
  
Oh, great. What did you do, bribe one of the guys in the locker room into playing that song, knowing I'd hear it? You had to. I'll admit some of the guys around here have some pretty weird taste when it comes to music, but this? I don't think even Rico would admit to listening to Madonna, certainly not in the dressing room, anyway. So this is yet another thing you orchestrated. It's definitely your style.  
  
But who knows? I could be mistaken. It's been known to happen on occasion. Need an example? You. Probably the biggest mistake I ever made was falling for you. God knows I didn't want to. I knew it wasn't gonna be all sunshine and roses but I had no idea the depths to which you'd sink, the extent of the games you'd play with my head and my heart.   
  
You think that I can never laugh again  
  
You'll see,  
  
You think that you destroyed my faith in love.  
  
You think after all you've done  
  
I'll never find my way back home,  
  
You'll see, somehow, someday  
  
I am NOT going to cry. It's just a stupid song. That's all. Just a stupid song with stupid words that do NOT apply to me. I refuse to be that weak and pathetic. You didn't want me in your life anymore so I'm not gonna let you continue to manipulate how I think and feel. And if I were being 100 percent honest, if I really believed that, I'd be walking away right now and not leaning against the wall, listening, fighting back the tears. I refuse to cry anymore. I've shed more than enough tears over you and frankly, you didn't deserve even that much.  
  
Dammit, I need to get a hold of myself. You're not worth my tears. You never were. You're just a cold-hearted bastard trying yet again to get under my skin. And you're succeeding, aren't you? That's only because I'm letting you. I need to shut my brain down, close my ears, and walk away. If I'm gonna even think about trying to prove you wrong, I gotta start now. And the first step is NOT playing into your hands right now.   
  
All by myself  
  
I don't need anyone at all  
  
I know I'll survive  
  
I know I'll stay alive,  
  
All on my own  
  
I don't need anyone this time  
  
It will be mine  
  
No one can take it from me  
  
You'll see  
  
But my God, I DO miss you. I don't want to, of course, but I do. Even with all the manipulation, all the times you degraded me, forced me to do things I didn't wanna do, beneath it all was someone I loved. Still do in a sense, I guess. But the person I fell in love with kinda got buried along the way. I think maybe you got too caught up in your own games and lost yourself somehow. Or maybe all the pressure finally got to you, made something in you snap. Maybe you didn't know how to go back to being just a regular guy again.   
  
There's still hope for you, but you gotta recognize that your way of doing things is wrong. You have to find some shred of honesty and admit to yourself that you are NOT the perfect, flawless creature you delude yourself in believing that you are. You can't just treat people like they're there to serve you until you have no more use for them and then toss them away.   
  
You think that you are strong, but you are weak  
  
You'll see,  
  
It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat.  
  
I have truth on my side,  
  
You only have deceit  
  
You'll see, somehow, someday  
  
Oh hell, who am I kidding? That's exactly what you believe. You really DO think everyone exists for you to use in some way. And after you've moved in, invaded their soul, turned their world upside down, made them dependent upon you, that's when you tire of them, take your ball, and go home. And just wait to watch them fall apart. That's why you walked away, isn't it? You were done with me and you knew I wouldn't be the first one to walk out, so you had to make the first move. And you just knew I'd fall to pieces and beg you to come back to me.  
  
But it's not gonna happen. Not anymore, Hunter. I'm through being used. I'm not some insignificant, naïve pawn for you to play with and treat as bad as you want. Maybe I was at one time, but not anymore. I'm better than that. I deserve better than that. And I'm not gonna take any more of your bullshit.   
  
All by myself  
  
I don't need anyone at all  
  
I know I'll survive  
  
I know I'll stay alive,  
  
I'll stand on my own  
  
I won't need anyone this time  
  
It will be mine  
  
No one can take it from me  
  
You'll see  
  
You can keep telling yourself all the lies you want. About how nobody knows the real you, all people want from you is what you can give them, you never let anyone get close enough to really matter to you, how you know your departure will destroy me. But you know what? Keep telling yourself the same old stories over and over again and after a while you find yourself believing it.  
  
It's all bullshit, Hunter. I never asked you to be anything but yourself. You're the one who got it into your head that you had to be this superhuman mastermind with all the answers. I never asked for any of that. I just wanted your love. But I guess you couldn't handle that kind of honesty. So I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago and walk away myself. From this song, from your lies, from your cowardice, from the memories of the man I fell in love with, from the dreams of what we could have had. From anything that even remotely reminds me of you. Because unlike you, I CAN live a normal life. I CAN get by without having to twist people to suit my needs. I don't HAVE to have someone in my bed every night to reassure myself that I'm still attractive. And I damn sure don't need you. I don't need anyone but me. So goodbye, Hunter. You have no idea how much you really lost. But it's too late now.  
  
So fucking done with you. 


End file.
